For much of my life, I've been told by certain people, mostly men, that I’m a target because I’m weak. It’s a statement that never resonated with me, but for a long time, it caused me pain. I would wonder, Is that true? Am I responsible for attracting people who hurt me, sabotage me at work or in relationships?
It wasn’t until recently that I began to view this concept from a healthier perspective. I’ve come to understand that the people who bring chaos into my life and try to stir up my emotions are the ones at fault. They are the ones projecting their pain onto me, hoping to pull me down to their level. It’s never been my style to act that way towards others, so it’s always been difficult for me to understand this behavior.
But here’s what I do understand: it takes immense strength to be soft. Being gentle, kind, and compassionate in a world that often rewards aggression and hostility is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it is one of the greatest strengths a person can possess. It’s the ability to stay true to yourself, even when the world around you seems to demand otherwise.
One of the most heartwarming moments in my life was last year on Mother's Day when my daughter described me with these words:
Soft and kind
Helpful
Careful
Easy and slow
Always loves me
Hearing those words filled me with a sense of pride because it reminded me of the strength I carry. I know that when my daughter encounters the darker, harsher parts of the world, she can find solace in me. I provide her with a safe space where she can express her biggest feelings without fear of judgment. I will never tell her that it’s "stupid" to be upset about something because I know that when she hears those words, she feels like someone is calling her stupid. And the truth is, she’s a genius.
I am proud of the strength I’ve cultivated through softness, and I want to share the benefits of this powerful trait—whether in times of harmony or conflict.
5 Benefits of Being Soft
Emotional Resilience
Being soft means embracing vulnerability, and in doing so, we build resilience. When we allow ourselves to feel deeply, we grow stronger emotionally. Softness gives us the flexibility to adapt and recover from challenges, without losing ourselves in the process.Building Trust and Connection
Softness fosters trust in relationships. When people know they can come to you without judgment, they are more likely to open up. This creates deeper, more authentic connections that are built on compassion and understanding rather than fear and manipulation.Creating Safe Spaces
Softness nurtures an environment where others feel safe to be themselves. Whether it’s with family, friends, or in the workplace, being a source of calm amid the storm allows people to feel secure and seen. This is particularly important in a world that can often feel harsh and unforgiving.Inner Strength and Confidence
It takes courage to remain soft in a society that often views gentleness as a weakness. Softness is not about passivity; it’s about having the confidence to stay true to who you are, no matter what the external pressures may be. Over time, this leads to a deep sense of inner strength and peace.De-escalating Conflict
In moments of conflict, responding with softness instead of aggression has the power to disarm and de-escalate tension. A calm, gentle approach invites others to meet you with the same energy, often leading to more productive and peaceful resolutions. Remaining calm in the face of aggression is a true testament to inner strength. Aggression often expects to be met with more aggression, but by staying calm, you disrupt the escalation and create space for understanding. A calm response can disarm the tension in ways that matching aggression cannot.This ties into a lesson I’ve learned when I felt a ball of anger rising within me. I thought I had to match someone’s aggression to protect myself, but I’ve come to realize that calmness is actually more powerful. It shows emotional control, provides clarity, and can even inspire respect. Choosing calm over anger prevents emotional exhaustion and allows us to resolve conflict from a position of strength, not just power.
What’s the difference?
A position of power is often about control—using authority, force, or intimidation to influence a situation or others. It’s externally driven and relies on dominance, which can lead to resentment or resistance. Power may bring immediate results, but it’s rarely long-lasting and often fueled by insecurity.A position of strength, however, is rooted in internal confidence and resilience. Strength doesn’t need to overpower others to feel valid. It’s about emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and the ability to remain composed under pressure. Strength invites respect and collaboration rather than fear, and it creates meaningful, long-lasting resolutions. When we lead with strength instead of power, we foster understanding, build trust, and conserve our energy for what really matters.
Cultural and Historical Context: Reframing Softness
In many cultures, particularly in the West, men are often taught that weakness is something to be ashamed of. This cultural programming reinforces the idea that to be "strong," one must suppress emotions, dominate situations, and avoid vulnerability. But this mindset is limiting—and damaging.
Throughout history, there have been powerful figures who embodied the strength of softness. From Mahatma Gandhi's philosophy of non-violence to the Dalai Lama's compassion for all living beings, we see that true strength lies in patience, empathy, and gentleness.
By reframing this narrative, we can see that softness is not a sign of weakness but a different, more profound form of strength. It’s time to embrace this strength in ourselves and encourage it in others—especially men—who have been taught to fear it.
In a world that often rewards harshness, choosing to remain soft is a radical act of courage. So, the next time someone calls you soft, smile and know that your softness is your superpower.
